Mar 13 2009
How You Can Tell if Someone is High. And Add Your Own if You Think You’re as Funny as Me! (Here’s a hint, you’re not.)
I ran into a list, and thought it was pretty dumb. Then I thought maybe there really is someone on earth who doesn’t know, so here ya go.
- Odd behavior. Yeah, that’s the first sign. I know it’s confusing because it’s so subjective. But for example, if you ever see me dance, I’m drunk out of my mind. On the other hand some dance while sober, so they would logically take it a step further by donning a cape or something.
- An escalation of voice. People who are high (or drunk) can’t judge how loud or quite they are talking, so if you hear a voice all the way across the room shouting about how many times he shakes it, or the growth on his taint, he’s probably not a voyeur, just stoned.
- Uncontrollable laughter or giggling… which technically is laughter, but it’s their list. Especially if it’s inappropriate. This does not mean laughter at an off-color joke, as the person may not be high at all, but simply an a**hole. For example, I heard a really funny joke yesterday, it went: “You don’t really know pain, until you see your baby drown… and in that case, you really really don’t know how to wash a baby.” Well needless to say I laughed uncontrollably. But I wasn’t high, I’m just an a**hole.
- Their fourth sign I feel is completely unfair, but again, it’s their list. They say to watch out for strong odors. Fair enough, most people who aren’t Mormon (just kidding I know some Mormons who are always loaded) know what certain drugs smell like. But they want you to really get in there and sniff, which in the case of coke would make them high as well. But then they say if they stink, like they’re so high they forgot to shower… but that could just be homelessness. And if they have a bunch of cologne… but that could just be a Persian… haha, that was messed up. There are no official statistics that say Persians wear any more cologne than the general public.
- Look into their eyes. If the pupils are super big, or super small, they are either some kind of reptilian alien bent on the destruction of earth and you are humanities only hope of survival. Or they are high. But just incase they are reptilian, you should kill them immediately.
Okay that’s all. Have a nice day.
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